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try saying this fast.  excellent stuff

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even they admit it

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'designer'  - good use of both apostrophes and an asterisk here

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surely as soon as they sell one item they'll have less than 5000 items.  which is probably why they needed the asterisk

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we'll ignore the question of whether it should be smorgasbord rather than smorgasboard.  i liked how it was a 7 night one assuming you only eat between the hours of 4.30pm and 9pm each day.

and the shop was only open 6 nights a week ...

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a veritable Aladdin's cave of books about Aladdin's caves (and other things)

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it's a smile monger (with a new core shopping centre attached)

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we don't have whsmith in new zealand.  that explains the empty table i suppose

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i've shown you this shop window before.  i love it as it's absolutely packed with things and they've scrawled the names of the products on the outside of the windows with nice words.  like lovely crockery

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as i went past the other day i noticed they've started selling anti virus which i assume is a computer thing.   and they now think their paper parasols are cool. 

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and they sell silks (plural) on rolls

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thank-you

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does it have a price or not ?  and it looks like you can pay with a degreaser if you haven't got $6.90

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it's all about the presentation.

perhaps these signs weren't actually written by the shop keepers and were actually graffiti feedback from passing shoppers ?   twitter has a lot to answer for.

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this charity shop looks fantastic but i only ever go past it when i go to wellington early in the morning so i suspect i'll never go in which is a shame.

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we stayed a night in a place called whitianga over christmas

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they have shops for everyone - the kids shop is next to a ladies' fashion shop next to a blokes shop.

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pretty useless photos i'm afraid !

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you've got to love a fine food takeaway that calls itself 'farteze'

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it's in stiff competition with this advertising in the chip shop two doors down

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manchester randomly added to the list of things on sale in the local john lewis equivalent type shop.

UPDATE: there's some problem with comments on the blog at the moment. This is what two of my new zealish friends said:

BUSS SAID:
Answers on a postcard.

a)Manchester (pronounced /?mænt??st?r/ ( listen)) is a city and
metropolitan borough of Greater Manchester, England.

b)A linen and bedding manufacturer in New Zealand.

ANDY SAID:
towels, bedsheets, pillowcases all equal Manchester - from a time when
all such products were produced from said city's mills.

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there's an army surplus shop near my new office and it's worryingly fantastic.  everyone who works there is wearing the clothes on sale which makes finding an assistant a good challenge. I decided not to attempt to take any pictures in the shop in case i got attacked.

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the reflection of the spar sign is quite poignant.  as is the reflection of the word 'babes'.  it's a tribute to my concentration that i didn't bother to turn round to see what the babes shop was.  oh well.

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i was delighted by this electrical shop in dunoon town

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dead midges bought and sold.  excellent stuff

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didn't really come out as nice as i'd have liked, but it vaguely says the money cult next to the betting shop.  oh well.  next !

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i'm sure i've had spam emails aout this shop

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the chaos in my local tesco continues.  the reduced goods are now so wide spread that the cleaning trolley thing couldn't get round the corner without knocking the display over, thus causing more cleaning work.  great stuff

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tesco and homebase.  up in the air

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i've photoed the discount shelf in tescos before, but it keeps on growing.  it's now spilled out in to a basket on the floor ...

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and a whole new container

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it won't be long before even the good stuff is just thrown in to this giant heap and people can fight each other for the bargains.

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sale, everything off

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i've been thinking why i like this little corner of my local tesco so much.  it's the chaos.

the thing i love about supermarkets in general is how they put all the stuff 'together'  ie all the ketchups are in one area, fruit in another, an aisle of toilet rolls and so it goes.  i love the repetition and the colours.

but i also love the unstructured corner that is the reduced goods area.  it's a real pick and mix (rip woolworths).  and i guess in these crunchy days, shops are trying to sell every last thing rather than chucking stuff away, so this area has been packed to overflowing recently with busted packets and split multipacks.

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probably best not to ask.  it was one of those chinese herbal shops, and i don't think it was dodgy.

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brad sent me this picture of a shoes ! last week (at least i think it was brad - i seem to have lost the email)

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and moments later shorely sent me this fast fashion picture which he said was 'Clearly a little too fast for its own good'.

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good plan.  advertise air conditined cars on an icey morning so it looks like they're got really powerful chillers.

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ah.  you see they are technically new.  they are new to you

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great name for a shop/brand/thingy

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we're all looking for that gilt edged qualification.  how about a golden hnd ?

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there's an empty office with glass windows near my old office which has this mysterious machine in the corner.  i think they used to have something to do with robot wars there.  anyone know what this is ?

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jane and esther were waiting patiently in an award winning fish and chip shop which obviously didn't win any awards for speed of service.  kezia and i were restless so we walked across the street to look at this gift shop.

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nothing much passes kezia's attention and she spotted that lots of the prices were two pounds ninety nine pence (apologies for not using the pound sign, it seems not to work properly on the blog)

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2.99 was not a special price at all !

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when things were a different price, they were often reduced from 2.99 (note the rare rogue 3.99 and 4.99 behind)

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i thought it was brilliant.  and hopefully you do too !

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day 10 was a town visiting day.  we were in search of the gorky's barafundle album which we eventually found in a second hand record trail.  we went to two of the most fantastic second hard record shops ever in fact, and i highly recommend them both if you find yourself in that part of town.  one of the gorky's himself pops in occasionally, so that would have been very bizarre.

anyway, bonkers is a great name for traditional ladies clothing

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it probably would have been a better name for this charity shop which had a mannequin dressed mostly in plastic bags

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of course the welsh need to keep an eye on their flags

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and you can never have enough apostrophe's

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i spotted a lot of use of the word 'famous' by the seaside.  i suspect it might be used in place of the word 'only'

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these posters in an abandoned hotel were advertising tenby's famous fun fair

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and in the nearby town of saundersfoot there was a massive pound shop

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this claimed to be saundersfoot's famous one pound shop.

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tune in tomorrow for more pictures from the famous funkypancake website

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this is a great sign on a shop just round the corner from Tony Blair's house in london.  i wonder if he has coffee emergencies these days ?

if he does he can be sure that "they'll serve him".  in quotes.

those quotes probably mean they can give you a price before you place an order.  probably.

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council: "do you want a shop ?" 
residents: "no"

---or---

customer: "can i have a packet of crisps and a can of coke please"
residents store worker: "no"

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it's a shame comments aren't working as i'd love to get your thoughts on how a charity shop can become 'award winning'.  perhaps they excelled in odours.  or colour coordinated clothe rails, or retro vinyl, or number of salad spinners held in stock, or most used wedding dress, or ...

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supreme

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seaside shops are the actual best

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this shop was in bushmills in northern ireland.  it looked good from the other side of the street.

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so we crossed over and had a good look.

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i've got a mug like that (the one on the left).

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it reminded me of bagpuss. if you look carefully in this picture you can see me and backpacker jess

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village life is brilliant

this made me chuckle. i think it's a travel agents shop which does holidays and tours of different places. but the little toy train track in the sparse window display has broken track and the whole thing has seen better days.

didn't really install much confidence

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why the long space between 7 and days ?

lots of shops in helensburgh have dodgy signage. which is quite a high proportion as there aren't lots of shops in helensburgh to begin with.

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stop shutting down.

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and here's another skip
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here's a call to action for anyone who has a soldering iron.

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beetee sent me this photo and asked me to ask you what you think it is of (is that a proper sentence?)

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i like it when you see signs on shops which show you what's inside. it's like a content list on a food packet.
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this sign is a nice summary of their literature section
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i suspect this wasn't designed by a professional sign designer.

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from another time
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if you are feeling board you can watch batteries being fitted here. well, it beats hitting yourself on the head with a bent coathanger.

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50% off nothing is nothing (but only half as not anything)

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a great shop name and logo.
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chair renting. that's the future.

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i was delighted to see this sign which has been prepared using an old fashioned letter stencil thing.

it doesn't look that great to modern eyes used to computer generated text but it must have taken ages to make. well done to them i say.

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this dry cleaners is excited because it's 25 years old and is having lots of 25 related bargains.
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however, i'm a bit confused, as it proclaims 25% off, but also £25. And it seems to be suggesting they've got a selection of services including 25 hours, 25 days, 25 weeks, 25 months, 25 years. I can see the 25 hours service being popular (although plenty of other places do cleaning in fewer hours), but a 25 week service ? why ?
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interesting use of upper and lower case letters
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a new coffee shop has opened on one of the platforms at my local train station and it's been interesting to see who has been loyal to the existing newspaper shop (which sells some hot drinks) and who has flirted over to the new establishment.

i was very anti the new until i bought some pain-au-chocolats last week which changed my mind. and the people working there are really nice too

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i do like their sign too. open monday. like that's a rare thing in the coffee trade. i chose not to get excited by this.

the section section is a little intriguing too (and i won't be checking them out).

and the final statement 'get involved.' is a little over encouraging i think.

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selfridges have some great window displays. i haven't been by for a while so it was nice to see the current crop.

these chaps were made out of jelly beans (including the one with the beard in the foreground)
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and here was a giant pile of shoes
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this shop is called happy days and seems to be selling cranes to grab koala. it's probably run by mad kiwis (the hairiest of all the fruits (except the coconut which is probably not a fruit))

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who wants a haircut like their dad's ? this shop claims to be a specialist in afro caribbean and european hair cuts. i hadn't thought that the European hair was a particular genre of the hair cutting game, but it must be.

i also like how there's some wire hanging in front of the 'uni' of unisex suggesting a very different sort of place.

the laundrette next door is good too. but have you ever seen a laundrette which isn't incredibly photogenic ?

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this is absolutely fantastic advertising. we saw it back here, but here is a bigger better picture. especially note the beer bottle with 'cheap booze' written on the label.

the 'off licence open' next to the closed shutters is good too.

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we like a good pun here on funkypancake don't we. so i was delighted to see this sign outside a shop selling cheese. you'll probably need to click the picture for a closer look at the cheese films. the quality reduces as you get closer to the bottom.

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here's an upset customer taking action
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i like the way the cardboard isn't quite long enough so they've had to make do
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a funeral parlour next to a betting shop. what a great idea. you could even play chicken by running across the road between the cars. if you make it you get a payout from Coral. if you don't you end up next door.

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i now go to Osterley a couple of times a week and i walk down from Ealing Broadway station. Right near my destination, there's this PC World store.

I like the old Do It All logo, not quite properly removed in the background.

I think it says something about technology progress. From do it yourself, to automate it, to get someone else to sort it (that'll be the PC Clinic)

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selfridges window

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a cheery welcome (back in July)

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it's a french diary
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milk from an old water source
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this shop had shut down. obviously not enough men wanted cut price ladies fashions. it's a tra(n)vesty

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YES ! EVERY ITEM IS A POUND !

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i walked past pret on oxford street just before 7.30 when they were all being whooped up for the day by their leader. i was out in the cold rather than in with them being whooped, but i'm not a real whooping sort of guy so that was fine with me.

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for when you need your vinegary cabbage snack in a hurry.


this shop, which was still open for business had the oldest dustiest window display ever

except maybe this shop nearby

here's a strange thing. it's a gun shop. which also sells skeletons (so you can pretend you shot a person and have kept the skeleton).

it also, rather mysteriously, sells 'visible horses'


here is a sign on the old police station in henley. it says it's "closed for good". but it might have been for bad. surely it's too early to tell ?

here's a dreadfully photoshopped attempt at giving the old police station some character.

(this is exactly why i don't use photoshop much !)

click to admire the tables, chairs, cupboard and that fantastic wall paper !


selfridges on Oxford Street often have excellent window displays. here's what's on at the moment.

it's very doctor who isn't it ?

no idea what it's about. and i like that feeling


this establishment already looks dated. just a few years back it would have been cutting edge


this shop has had a sign saying 'back in 2 weeks' up for the last 3 weeks, but you wouldn't know as there's no date.

but there is a Soduku and crossword on the newspaper stuck on the window and i'm kinda tempted to use a washable pen and write the answers on the outside of the window !

brilliant idea. a shop that sells bicycles and magic tricks. or tricks you can do on bikes.


as theme parks go, shoe world was doomed to failure from the very start.

i don't smoke. but i certainly eat a lot of chocolate and drink a lot of hot water.

and it's good to see someone abiding by the government's colour coordinated car parking policy.


i love the understated anger in this sign.


... always allow for a border when you measure the size of your sign


an interesting display of mopeds in a shop window. it's for a shop which sells glasses.

you're obviously meant to walk past it and say "i don't believe my eyes, i better buy some new glasses"


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i've taken this shot before, but the sun was so good today i had to take it again when i happened to walk past this old tripe shop (and public toilet extension)


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incomplete sign from matt the funkypancake web-landlord

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i'm not sure why this sign looks so fantastic. i think it has a timelessness about it.

tailoring is a fairly timeless tradition so it's only fair they haven't grasped modern technology and gone for a professionally produced sign.

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here is a butcher. what can we learn from his position on his shop roof ?

he looks like he's up there waiting to shout at customers who are coming to buy his meat products.

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now it has nothing to say

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this place is called Drug Opera. Surely the worst combination of things ever ?

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if you are in brussels and want to go to a bar which is just completely bohemium (don't like the word, but there's no other way to describe it) go here. it's just a few second walk from the grand-place and is so completely laid back.

go up to the first or second floor if you want to sit on a seriously beat up sofa and daydream the night away in the glooming junk-shop interior

enticing enough for you ?

pity i only found it on my last night here

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i suspect this isn't actually the original celtic pub. chances are that was in Ireland or somewhere.

note the authentic Irish entertainment on their telly.

what is it with pubs in the Irish theme around the world ?

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where did dr evil from austin powers get his mini-me from ? this shop probably.

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after hair dressers' shops, fish and chips shops have the best names.

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what a bargain. who would be foolish enough to buy one bag for 99 pences when you can buy 2 for 1 pound ?

i'm not stupid. i bought three.

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competition in hardware shops has increased significantly recently. they used to be able to attract customers to their shops by hanging ladders outside their front doors and putting hammers and screwdrivers in their windows.

but i've noticed another trend. specialist shops concentrating on the fundamentals of Do It Yourself and home improvement. shops which specialise in selling nails.

of course this fledgling industry is still searching for its identity. which is why these two nail shops have approached their window display in different ways.

neon or 80s fashion ? you decide which hardware shop to shop at.

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i guess this is no different from Staples which too specialises in one of the smallest, inconsequential stationary elements. they don't even sell staplers apparently.

it's true you know. in this shop they employ a number of people called malcolm to sit next to you when you are having your hair cut.

it's a lovely, but ultimately pointless idea.

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maplins is a shop i love. it's the british radio shack though i don't think they are related.

anyway, the one just off edgware road has recently installed a giant bouncer to keep trouble out of the shop.

there's nothing worse than battling gadget nerds, and this red suited inflatable giant will quite literally be able to 'bounce' such people out of the shop. he takes up over half the door way !

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here is a shopping list.

nrawn
notatoes (no potatoes)
catrot (cream to stop your cat smelling)
pull-up nannies (they are so tired they need a hand to get off the sofa)
napies (cross between a nappy and a pie - nothing is wasted here)

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biggernisation requires a click of the above

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this shop (now shut down) was asking for trouble when it ordered its sign saying it had been going for 40 years. it was committing itself to annual sign refreshes.

in the end, escalating sign costs lead to the demise of this once thriving premise. i imagine.

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nobody likes old ice-cubes.

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i passed an historic chemist which was being refurbished a few weeks back. the only thing insider was this potty which is a very strange colour.

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they gave away 1 million sandwiches last year. but is that good i wonder ? 1 million is a lot of sandwiches.

imagine if they all went to one person. initially you'd be pleased and they'd probably be some media interest. but quickly you'd realise the logistical nightmare which would result.

You could sell a few on, but time would be running out before the best before date expired. And then what ? I pity that poor person i really do.

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this shop has been saying its closing down for over 2 years now. it's finally gone. i'm slightly relieved as it's a horrible thing to have hanging over my walk each day. but now i can relax knowing the shock of its closure has now passed.

There's another shop just up the road which has also been having its closing down sale for the last year. this was has recently changed its sale to 'factory clearance' suggesting it's not going the same way.

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the end of an era. harts the grocer on marylebone high street is to close on friday.

i like a shop that advertises when it's closed rather than when it's open. i also like it's understated closing down sign. you almost don't realise they mean closing FOR GOOD on the 13th.

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and what at great footnote to have on a closing down notice:

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(the website seems to have closed already)

now, i had a bit of a rant about he british post office system yesterday.

i was therefore delighted to spot this in the front garden of the post office in sherfield on loddon - it's a crocodile, half a dog and a load of plastic ducks:
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i was lucky enough to be able to spend half an hour in a post office today. i've written about my love of post offices before but each experience makes me want to write more.

i came prepared for this visit with some chocolate and an ice cool drink and happily chatted with my queue-neighbour for the 20 minutes it took to reach the cashier desks. i suspect the hot and airlessness is a ploy to kill a few customers off before they get served so the queues are shorter.

i was amazed to see this display for BT Broadband Internet. BT and the Post Office used to be the same nationalised company a few decades ago so it was nice they are working together in this way. Unfortunately their advert says "hurry, offer ends 2th June 2004" so it was over a month out of date which was most appropriate for the post office.

when i eventually got to a cashier the man told me off for arriving at his window too soon. "i didn't press my button" he said. "well press it now" I said.

he looked me in the eyes, paused, then pressed his button. we were off !

there's more to this story, but this isn't a text blog so i'll end it there.

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the revamped tesco's next to my office has obviously spent its advertising money on alcohol and giving free cocktails to shoppers. i went shopping with John as a kind of social lunchtime event.

it's quite big and quite strong (tescos) and lots of people are merrily wandering around grinning whilst shopping.

one woman in the next aisle was busy shouting "criSPS, criSPS, ooh, doesn't the SPS bit of criSPS sound funny, criSPS, criSPS".

the local street alcoholics were enjoying it too, although you could tell they would rather drink straight from the bottle instead of these nice dainty cocktail glasses. the serving staff were less impressed by their drinking enthusiasm.

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the tescos next to my office has been under construction for about a year and now it's finally opened. hoorah.

so, having spent millions on refurbishing it, how did they celebrate the opening ? by hanging some balloons up and making a chap walk about with some cardboard on.

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photo by dave