funkypancake

Duct Tape Items, from wallets, hats, backpacks, purses and more

one day i may get round to making this blog look a bit prettier. when i do i'll use the tools referred to here

jane, esther and kezia got stuck in a lift in whsmiths in reading today. do you see the strange coincidence here:

* whsmith is a stationary store so it's no surprise the lift didn't move
* whsmith sells books which are good for reading. and our local town is called reading.

it's amazing they even got permission to install a lift with the odds so stacked against them.

the girls were stuck in the lift on their own for around 10 minutes during which time they could communicate by shouting to people in the rest of the shop. it was a power cut apparently which resets the lift, which is a nice idea.

the girls were rewarded for their good behaviour by the shop keepers by the traditional rewards of coke, crisps and chocolate (the three C's). i bet blaine-in-a-box will get the same reward when he is released.

here are all the pairs of shoes jane bought for kezia and esther today.

here is something over 24 hours old now. i came home yesterday to find much cookery going on in the house. there was a fine culinary smell coming from culinary areas. kezia was wearing her bestest apron and generally "eating" everything.

pity i'm on my special diet this fortnight, else i could have eaten the 'sandies' that they made (no i don't know what sandies are either).

and just for you non-vegetarians out there, here is what we had for tea this evening. a massive blob of sanity enhancing british beef.

i know you have all been concerned, so here is the update:

i went to the doctors this afternoon (on jane's bike) and was told most of the infection has gone, but i should take some antibacteria stuff for a week to blast the last away.

here it is (placed neatly on the mantlepiece area of my sony vaio laptop)

here is a mighty fine thing i discovered thanks to Kookportal.

I've always been slightly freaked by facial hair (my own once massive, now slightly large, sideburns excepted). there are two types of beards: those out of control and uncared for, and those which have too much care and attention given them.

the great news is the World Beard and Moustache Championship is heading to London in 2007. i intend to be there ...

Meanwhile i'll get growing a nice handlebar (check out the gallery and read the descriptions).

right, following last week's ear infection and general health malade, i've decided i need to do my exclusion diet for a fortnight. see earlier post for some more details

definately out is chocolate, bread and dairy products.

not sure what is in yet. going to tesco to find out. fruit, salad and veg i suspect. (though fruit is too sugary really).

if you see me eating bad stuff shout at me.

very cold this morning. and dark. it was very cold and dark this morning. and a bit misty. it was very cold, dark and a bit misty this morning. getting up a 6 was too much of a struggle so i waited until 4 minutes past this morning to break myself in gently.

on the way in i saw a pair of trousers, a shoe and a tie. one day i may take a chance and leave the house in just my pants (which i am shall also refer to as 'ass pants' for the sake of our american readers).

i'll then put on any item of clothing i find discarded on the way to work and see if anyone notices the difference.

i'll put this thought on hold until next summer when it warms up. someone remind me ...

a[pologies for anyone trying to post comments to the blog today or last night. server trouble meant your attempts would have failed. we all back and doing now though.

we've just got back from attending the film premier of Bright Young Things, which is the first film directed by Stephen Fry. It was a real posh affair (black tie) and we got to walk throught the paperatzee (spelling corrector required - basic rates of pay, no benefits).

we arrived at the same time as david mellor which was nice. prince charles turned up eventually and we all sang a song to his mum (god save 'er)

we saw loads of celebs as well as prince charles. here are a few photos

jim broadbent, stephen fry and some of the cast (Dan Ackroyd on the right)

angus dayton with an equally unfashionably shoulder bag

john sessions with one of my colleagues in the background

ben elton and rowan atkinson

apologies that most of the photos are of people's backs. i was good at spotting people just too late ! we also saw tracey emin and salmon rushdie on the way out. There are some better photos and an interview on the BBC website

the film was really good, the seat comfortable and we all got a free bottle of diet coke as well.

Before i start. if you are interested in anything really megalothic, visit this site. if you live in the UK buy The Modern Antiquarian book. Visit Avebury and Silbury Hill rather than just Stonehenge.

meanwhile ...

longleat is quite near stonehenge. i posted photos from the journey down previously.

on the way back, jane was driving do i got to take pictures as we whizzed by stonehenge

however, tony, tanya, catherine and anna, who we shared our chalet with in center parcs, went to visit stonehenge on their way home instead of going to longleat.

here is one of tony's pictures:

this afternoon we've had cousin thomas to stay

we took him to a party where i mowed the lawn with kezia (photo by tony):

Yoz Grahame's Cheerleader: Seven quick tips for a spam-free blog

postman pat's spiritual welfare was provided by the church. The sign read "please stay on the path". a firm reminder to all christians to stay true to their foundations

the spritual welfare of the guinee pigs (not guiness pigs) was also considered in the kids animal area. in their pen they had a nice church too:

also at longleat was a postman pat village. it was the world of postman pat shrunken down to toddler size. very good, but slightly eery.

here was a severed arm waving hopelessly (viewed from the side).

and here is a nicely posed picture of kezia and esther looking unimpressed alongside jess and postman pat

Longleat claims to have the world's longest maze. when we went in I asked for some hints so we could get through it quickly (before the kids got bored). she said "allow an hour and ... STICK TOGETHER".

we started by letting esther lead the way down the narrow hedges. then we let kezia lead which was really funny. she kept whizzing off round hedges and we had to keep up so as not to loose her. then jane took control of the situation and finally I made a lucky choice of exit in a funny circle area and we found the centre.

it's a fantastically difficult maze, but really good fun. best of all is that the hedges and thick enough and tall enough to make it impossible to cheat !

we got to the middle in 25 minutes which i think was good going.

kezia and esther loved the little train ride thing. we got to see the hippos swimming along the river which was good.

i took esther round the doctor who exhibition in longleat. i thought she'd be scared, bored or both. but she loved it and wanted to go round it again. so we did. she enjoyed making her voice sound like a darlek and though davros looked funny.

jane sometimes calls me davros which is nice. and probably only fair.

quiz of the day - which one was gracious enough to marry me.

three photos, one wife.

here is the photo I took of jane by candlelight:

and here is davros from doctor who:

and here is some other chap (thanks to andrew for pointing this out):

the safari is the main bit about going to Longleat, though after we were attacked by the monkeys it was the least enjoyable (at the time). once we were back in the carpark and realised there was no lasting damage to our car (other than a few claw holes in the plastic trimming) we decided we had enjoyed it afterall.

here are the sweet monkeys:

here are some tigers:

here is a wolf

we also went on a boat cruise in a tiny lake and saw a couple of hippos:

and a gorilla:

and everyone loves meercats:

the visitors can wait a few minutes - this is important stuff

here is the monkey who pulled the trimming off our car:

here is his hand on our window screen:

you can't hear the scratching and ripping noises which accompanied it

we are back. a monkey ate our car at the safari park. this and other stories to follow. probably tomorrow now though as we've only been back an hour, just put the girls to bed and have some visitors staying overnight arriving any minute ...

my ear is still REALLY hurting. hopefully the antibiotics should be starting to take effect now (48 hours after i took my first one). should be fine by the time i'm back at work. kezia keeps pointing at the cotton wool in my ear and laughing. which is nice. no sleep last night. oh well.

here are esther and kezia playing golf. they were both really good and kezia was especially funny with her little golf club.

the key thing for marketing of products in a retail environment is how you do your point of sale merchandising. i suspect that the popcorn manafacturer didn't recommend they were piled on top of an old dustbin.

but i could have been wrong.

here is a good sign being blatantly ignored by some giant chess people. this picture contains a lad referred to as 'golden boy' by his mum. she proclaimed this whilst having an argument with his dad. other people's holiday strops are always amusing to observe

here we are by some giant (but actually not that giant) redwoods.

here we are walking to the shop for our crois-ers.

the girls have been locked out of the toy shop:

but they were allowed in the supermarket:

i went, and i jolly well got, that photo of a hound from the revolving restaurant.

jane and i went to the poshest restaurant last night. was very good. here is jane by candlelight

in the toilet was some bodylotion. i never understand what us blokes are meant to do with that ? strip down to our underpants and lard it on ? i think not ...

read the update here

a lady just came in to the place where i'm internetting from and asked if i was in here internetting last night. i said "yes" and she said "oh, that all makes sense now ..."

very mysterious. this is a cool office though - they have a telly on the floor playing a music channel. Just had the Kings of Leon on followed by Elvis. if only i could hear properly i would very much enjoy working in an office like this !

right - must get back to help put kids to bed and head out for our second night out. this time we are going to a very posh restaurant apparently ...

here is kezia showing how you can sit in your high chair if you are clever.

here is a nice night view of the swimming place. jane and i had our first night out (of two) last night. italian followed by a walk around a lake. very nice (but a bit chilly - the weather not the food).

today, the girls are very tired (all of them). My ear is massively painful like someone pushing a red hot needle down it all the time. a coprox cocktail will get me through our meal out tonight.

much misery this afternoon as esther lost her cycling mojo :-( hopefully we'll get it back tomorrow. she's ok on the flat, but after her dramatic exit whilst in motion yesterday she's not keen to go downt he hill to the lake. ho hum

here is a hound doing a nice leg kick. there is another dog picture i must obtain but it's in a revolving door so it's tricky. i shall do my best to obtain this photo for you dear readers this evening.

center parcs is so modern. they have a stereo oven in the chalets.

the sony sound system speakers are either side of the extractor fan. nice idea. now you can cook the dinner and wash the dishes whilst having a little boogie. I washed up to Stevie Wonder's Very Superstitious and the Starsky and Hunk theme last night.

here is a cow in front of the view.

risking the pain barrier we went cycling today. esther fell off, but got back on again so that was ok.

my antibotics are called Amix. coproxamol is good too.

someone has a pet bowl which they have tied up to this post.

here is the sign of the hound:

when it rained yesterday people realised they might get wet. we were prepared but others weren't.

in the same way at school if you forgot your PE kit then you had to wear the 'spare gym kit' which looked (and smelled) horrible, people here had to but blue plastic bags at £1.50 a throw.

this was their punishment for forgetting their coats. seeing groups together of the 'blue macs' against the green forest was a beautiful thing.

yesterday i put my clothes in locker numbre 697 at the swimming pool.

we also parked our car next to lampost number 697.

guess what number post this is and what number chalet we are in ?

not 697 actually.

yesterday it rained. but this was fine as we were prepared

longleat is quite near stonehenge. i posted photos from the journey down previously.

here is a view of stonehenge out of the window as we drove to center parcs

more stonehenge updates here

gprs is cool - although it only works if i sit in the forest outside our chalet.

i have an ear infection. excellent timing !

girls are having great time.

winnie the poo, black rebel motorcycle and beck kept us all amused on route.

possibility of 'real' internet access this evening using laptop so can update you with pictures, medical info etc then.

my blogging may be restricted next week as i'm not in my office.

therefore, for one week only, here is a blog for work related activities:

The Girls From The Office

burn church

sometimes you realise stuff when it's too late.

for example i have a nagging fear that when i'm old and in a home i might suddently realise i love bungy jumping and wish i'd done it when i was more sprightly. i'm not worried enough about it enough to actually do a bungy jump though.

tonight i realised i love watering the garden. i haven't done it all year. but it was great. maybe i'll try remembering this fact at the beginning of next summer rather than the end.

here is one of my favourite books: radiant health.

it contains some real gems and some great photos.
here we are informed thus regarding the drinking of tea:

"Beatification of the ever-popular "cup that cheers" is really not warranted at all. The ultimate effect is injurious rather than reviving"

it also includes some miracle cures for common ailments, like colic and food poisoning. i can hire out some old pieces of hose pipe for those wishing to try these cures.

click for big version.

or how about this for hiccups - a few things to try in the office next time someone hiccups. i had to look up the word emetic. it was worth it.

click for big version

i have a small library of quality literature. i shall share some with you:

here is a book i purchased recently entitled "smocking for pleasure". not a typo.

"[The book] not only guides would-be enthusiasts through their first projects, but also provides inspiration for accomplished smockers ... Altogether an irresistable book for followers of this decorative and popular needlecraft"

smocks are so now.

kezia dissapeared for a few minutes today. turned out she had found some mud to play with at the end of our friend's garden. here she is covered from head to toe in mud, not looking too pleased with herself. she's definately had a bad hair day.

here is esther and jacob. jacob is deconstructing a small house whilst bouncing on a trampoline. it's like a TV version of changing rooms and it's a knockout all in one go.

then they decided to fish whilst bouncing. jacob caught esther's shoe

esther announced she had hidden some beetroot in the house. alice and jacob love beetroot.

i had a good bass sound and volume this morning. i took a photo to remind me of my settings:

The amp is a peavey amp. the logo makes it look like 'pervey'.

i have a spam trap on my email. it has around a 98% success rate. One of my friends sends me emails occasionally and his emails always drop in to the spam trap automatically which amuses me. i think he uses too many exclamataion marks and capital letters.

today i received a non-trapped spam which the spam trap obviously decided was important and targetted enough not to be actual spam. it was if the spam trap was actually saying "go on, this would be good for you".

you know what, i might just give it a go ...

Webmonkey | Reference: Color Codes

this post from dragoon reminded me that one of the exercises to get the choir to sing a particularly difficult phrase well was to sing it "on the vowels'.

this entailed ignoring the consonants and just making the funny vowel sounds. i was amusing to watch people's faces whilst they did this.

i recommend you try it on a few sentence.

e e o o ou e o (let me know how you get on)

the story of my evening with a load of men:

exciting day spent doing tax returns. i agree with taxes generally. i've certainly got value out of the national health service over the last few years and the UK is generally a good place for public services (even if they aren't world class). Doesn't make filling in the forms any more exciting though. ho hum.

there is man-of-the-street who 'lives' somewhere between paddington and oxford circus who collects the kind of junk i take photos of and put them in a trolley. i often see him in the morning transporting his trolleys through the streets of london.

today i saw him with 6 seperate trolleys, all piled high with junk.

here they all are:

trolleys 1 and 2 in front and number 3 behind (with the guy himself sitting down):

number 4 in front and number 5 off in the distance by the lamp-post

number 6 all nicely piled up